The Lovers Card
by we are anonymous we are legion
Summary: branching off from "A Day In the Life of the Akatsuki's", and my first couples based fanfic. the title is based off of the tarrot card: the lovers. possible lemons. HanabixOC naruxhina sasuxsaku ShikaxTema nejixtenten Femdeidaraxtobi
1. death to Orochimaru

a/n

a/n

hey! I'm back! And here's the branch-story I promised, but it's M rated and is, unlike it's main story, "A Day In the Life of the Akatsuki's, is not a torture fanfic!

All: whew…

but there may be a few lemons, or maybe more.

All: OO –tries to figure out which pairings are in the lemon(s)/ are used- (hopefull) (())

"Curly-brackets: "time-card"

_Italics_: thinking/dream/on non-communication based screens

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream/on a screen (not including communication-based ones)

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

(The below only exist in author's notes except for certain things/purposes)

O.O(txt)/((O.O))(txt): expression

((O.O)): (blushing)

object: what a card or piece of paper has written on it

Name: txt: what one person is saying

Name: txtName: txt: two people talking (saying different words) at the same time

(Parentheses): place/doing something whilst speaking/necessary info/hidden info/etc

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing but myself and Yamata, Shiro

end of a/n

The younger of the Hyuga sisters, Hyuga, Hanabi, was sitting next to, and holding the hand of a young boy just about her age. The boy was pale (as always), (except for a very light, but still noticeable blush on his face), had brown eyes with slitted pupils, hair that was a VERY dark shade of green (almost black), a black Organization XIII cloak, (underneath which was a black jacket, his favorite Punisher T-shirt, and black jeans), and on his right hand was a gauntlet with the power to control the winds themselves, and on that was the word "wind" (this should be expected) in the OLDEST known form of Japanese. The name of the gauntlet is "Fujinn" (this should also be expected). But the boy's name, however, is Yamata, Shiro. He has despised his real father (i.e. Orochimaru (he not only experimented on Shiro, but he also used the body of his identical twin brother, Orochi), who had disowned him a VERY long time ago, but he has great admiration for his adoptive father, the very author of this story, Randoglious, Draconus III, aka the King of Randomness!! (and soon to become a Shinigami and then the head Shinigami, for Lord Death himself is his current Shinigami (he owns a DEATH NOTE)). They were still on Timeless River, and were still having a bit too much randomness for your liking (Shiro had the gun called "noisy cricket" is his pocket and a double-barreled blue steel beauty of a shotgun hanging over his back, both of which, he would later use to kill Orochimaru). (a/n for something funny, copy and the following links and paste them in your e-browser: search./tracks/knights who say nee search./tracks/monty python holy grail /watch?vXcxKIJTb3Hg these also give you a good idea of what's going on! end of a/n.) Suddenly, Orochimaru enters the ship cabin (where Shiro and Hanabi are (a/n ooooooh big mistake!! end of a/n) JUST after I, His Royally Random Majesty, finished writing Orochimaru's name and cause of death in my DEATH NOTE!! Shiro quickly dives his hand into his pocket, pulls out the noisy cricket, (which is a sign for Hanabi to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!), and aims it at Orochimaru. "Hahahahahaha! You think that little puny gun is going to as much as pierce my armor? You might as well-" Orochimaru is cut off as Shiro "test fires" on a forest behind him, which Hidan is in, and Hidan gets killed in the MASSIVE BLAST OF PURE ENERGY made by shooting that "little puny gun". Orochimaru stares wide-eyed at the forest in amazement of the raw power of the cricket. "The Noisy Cricket: a tiny gun that fires pure energy as a projectile. It WILL nock anyone off their feet with the recoil unless there's a silencer added to it, in this case, there wasn't. It's not a bad gun, but I prefer this…" Orochimaru quickly turns around and finds himself staring down the barrel – well BARRELS, of big blue, which is that sawed off blue-steel beauty. Orochimaru, suddenly having an epiphany (sudden realization of great truth and/or importance), had that "just do what you need to do" look on his face, and said "do what you've come to do. I don't care anymore whether you let me live or die…" but Shiro's gaze of hate didn't change. "Here's two forms of I.D. Suck 'em both." BLAMITY-BLAM!! "Now…YOU SEE THIS!? This is my BOOMSTICK!! It's a twelve gauge, double-barreled, blue-steel Remington pump- S-Mart's top of the line! That's right… 'Shop smart, shop S-Mart'. Next one of you primitives touch me..." He screams in a scary way. Then he looks at a very frightened and sad Hanabi. "…except for you, Hanabi-chan…" he puts his arm around her in as comforting as possible way. "and besides, you're too beautiful to be called a 'primitive'…" "_oh Shiro-kun…_ I love you too…" they kiss, oblivious to the fact that everyone was staring at them, eye-twitching, scared face, and sweat-dropping and all!! Suddenly, Naruto and Hinata start a slow clap, and everyone looks at them, ("…...") and starts joining in…

a/n

aww… how kawaii! read and review! 


	2. set up

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a/n

Wow… I'm surprised no one reviewed yet…TACOS!! Oh and by the way: ATTENTION ALL CHARACTERS (OC or otherwise)! THE PAIRINGS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

SHIROXHANABI

NARUHINA

SASUSAKU

SHIKATEMA

NEJITEN

KAKASHIXKURENAI

FEMDEIDARAXTOBI

AAAANNND IRUKAXSHIZUNE!!

Iruka: ((OO))… and don't forget the foreplay!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and if I did, there would be a whole lot of "OOOOOHH NAARUUUUTOOOOO-KUUUUUuuuuuuuuuunnnn!!" 3

end of a/n

(Timeless River, nearby Hotel, room 1)

Naruto and Hinata were already approaching second base…and fast…

(a/n I think I'll torture you all by saving the lemons for next chapter end of a/n)

(room 2)

Shikamaru and Temari were already halfway between second and third bases…

(room 5)

Deidara, finally getting someone she needed at that moment, was about to fuck her brains out… to bad she didn't know that her Tobi is really Uchiha, Madara…or does she?

(room 7)

Shiro and Hanabi were still on first base…

(room 123)

Hiashi was crying for the loss of someone who died years ago…the one who he never got over…

(room 17)

Neji and Tenten were already approaching home plate…

(room 35)

Shizune and Iruka had already done IT…

(room 3)

Sasuke and Sakura were JUST about to reach home plate…

(room 4)

Kakashi and Kurenai had already done IT…


	3. lemon plus DOOM no jutsu

a/n

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Prepare to witness one of the greatest trans-dimensional jutsu! And the lemons! And Deidara gets (censored for prevention of spoilers)!

_**Disclaimer**_: I own absolutely nothing but Yamata, Shiro, myself, and Resident-Evil-no-jutsu, DOOM-no-jutsu, (I don't own DOOM either)

(room 7, hotel, Timeless River)

Hanabi and Shiro were about to get to "second base" when Hiashi breaks down the door. "what are you doing to my daughter!?" Hiashi all but screamed. "…Hiashi…" Shiro said as he started forming seals at a pace that would make THE Uchiha, Madara jealous. "what are you doing!?" "take this… DOOM-NO-JUTSU!!" A Twilight Zone spiral-portal-thing appeared below Hiashi and the entire town could here Hiashi screaming like a little girl as he fell through it.

(??)

(insert classic DOOM title theme) Hiashi looked at his surroundings. He was in a strange facility, full of civilians, US Marines, business people, and scientists. He himself was in Marine uniform. Then he saw it… the one thing he was hoping he wouldn't see. Not only was he holding a weapon (gun), but the UFC (Union Aerospace Corporation) insignia was on one of the walls. "_aww fuck… he sent me to the world of DOOM…_"

(Room 7)

Naruto, Hinata, Hanabi, and everyone else but Deidara was in the room, and everyone but Shiro had a "what-the-fuck-just-happened!?" look on their faces. Shiro and I (that's right, I put myself in all my stories XP) are explaining to them what DOOM-no-jutsu and Resident-Evil-no-jutsu do. "so…" said Naruto. "if you use DOOM-no-jutsu…" "one person of your choice gets sent into the world of DOOM in the form of the main character…" Hinata finished. "but if you use Resident-Evil-no-jutsu…" Hanabi added, "everyone in range is sent into the world of Resident Evil, as the character that they are most similar tho in personality?" Choji asked. "yup…that's right…" Shiro and I, Randoglious, Draconus III, the King of the Randomness, stated. "Now…everyone…get back to your rooms. Tomorrow, we are getting to that mansion (you'll find out…)!" Draconus III stated, with a hint of finality in his voice. Everyone was confused at what he said, but didn't want to be tortured in certain ways in front of their lovers, but before they reached the doorway, Deidara came running in, with the happiest kind of expression on her face. "GUESS WHAT EVERYONE: I'VE GOT WONDERFUL NEWS!" she shouted. "you caught another jinchuriki?" Pein asked. "no…" you're gonna give Kakuzu 1000000000000 yen?" Kakuzu asked. "no………" "THEN WHAT IS IT?" everyone but Tobi (who was watching Pokemon with Ronan, because nothing else was on) asked. "I'M PEGNANT!!" Deidara screamed in joy. Then… there was whispers like "told you Deidara was a woman." And "Kakuzu, you owe me 5000000000 yen". Pein asked "so.. who's the father?" Tobi was panicking the moment that question was asked. "you wouldn't believe me if I told you!" "WHO IS HE!?" "okay I'm gonna go to pokemon now!" Tobi said before disappearing into the tv. "TOBI!!" Pein screamed in anger! "so… who IS Tobi…really" Shiro asked. "well his face is to remain between me and him, but he has a mangekyo sharingan and his real name us Uchiha, Madara!" "OO WHAT!? I'VE ACTUALLY HAD THE VERY CO-FOUNDER OF KONOHAGAKURE IN MY GROUP THE WHOLE TIME!?" (a/n yes, Madara and the first hokage founded konohagakure end of a/n) "THAT'S RIGHT!! "

two awkward hours later

Shiro and Hanabi were passed out on the bed, and everyone else was in their rooms.

(Naruto and Hinata's room)

They had just picked up where they left of. Already nude, giving eachother both a blush and a nose-bleed. "Hinata are you sure about this?" "yes. I've never been so sure about anything else in my life." That was all Naruto needed to hear. He slowly entered her as she felt the pain when her barrier had broken. The pain soon subsided and gave way to pleasure. Soon, they were already reaching there limits. They screamed eachother's names as they came. He fell asleep inside her, as she slept under him…they were completely un-aware of the harsh future aHEAD.

--previews--

"wait- that's the--" "the mansion from Resident Evil…"

--End previews.--

a/n

Be nice it's my first lemon. Who do you think I am? Ero-Sennin!?

There will be others, just not in this story.

end of a/n


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